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I stared at the white blank page, which taunted me with empty space where words should be. Words which were very stubborn to think of when you’re struggling to formulate something from the base of your brain. Words which were supposed to be organized for someone to understand what you had to say.

A white blank page. It could symbolize anything from a new story, an opportunity, a dream, a nightmare or most significantly, life.

Life is mysterious like this blank page. Whatever comes out of it is unexpected.

Life is delirious and ambivalent. It has a mix of uncontrollable emotions and uncertainty. Life is je ne sais quoi, something that cannot be described nor expressed simply.

The good thing about life, though, is that I could start over. I’m free to make my own choices. Should I wait for someone to tel me what to do or who i have to be? No, I’m pretty sure about the things I want and who I am. Life has surprises and serendipity waiting for me.

Everyone’s a writer of his or her white blank page, including me. Words may come out of it or none at all. But it all means the same. Life. It’s one thing after another.

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Queen of Shadows Review- Read at Your Own Risk

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For the past weekend, I read Heir of Fire and Queen of Shadows, un/fortunately I am still not over it. Queen of Shadows basically shocked me with the character development, take in Chaol, in the first two books he is all lovey-dovey with Celaena or otherwise called Aelin, but in the fourth book he is all ‘bitch get away.’ I do understand people loving and moving on and all that. Personally I feel Chaol acted the way he did because if you go back and reread the past 3 books, Chaol has always been closed minded and so stubborn about the king he really protects. There would be scenes where he’s appalled by what the king had done, to slaves or rebels etc, but he was even more appalled by the idea of over throwing him. Sarah j Maas had said that at the end of HoF the worst possible thing that Chaol had ever pictured had happened, and I believe he just couldn’t face his real feelings about that moment so he lashed out and blamed Aelin because she wasn’t there to help. I think he was looking for someone to blame especially since he still holds a lot of resentment to fae, magic, rebels, etc, because of the way he was raised. He doesn’t understand it so he fears it and he believes once he finds out this incredible secret about this woman that he thought he knew he immediately thinks that he must’ve known nothing about her. I think his actions were a coping method for him.

I keep describing my thoughts about this book as this: if you handed me “throne of glass” and I read it, and then you handed me “Queen of Shadows” and I read it, and NEVER would have guessed it was part of the same series. I really overall missed the character development and plot lines of the first two books. I had multiple problems with this, mainly with the characterization. But some problems with the plot too. Firstly, I think SJM focused too much on unimportant things (mainly Rowan and Aelin being totally over each other), instead of things that had the potential to be really awesome. I thought Arobynn’s death was glossed over. He was the KING of assassins and he was murdered in his sleep by Lysandra? That doesn’t add up for me. I thought the king’s death was a cop-out.  Now the problems with characterization.  For example, Chaol, I think he was by far one of the most complex, most flawed characters in the series. He definitely had the most potential for development, and that got taken a few steps back in QoS.

I am still confused though on how Aelin sees Arobynn and vice versa. Does she see him as a father? A brother? Or a lover?

For Rowaelin (no offense I am a Rowaelin shipper) in HoF, even if their relationship seemed to be platonic in the beginning, as a reader progress in the series especially in QoS there was definitely a build-up but it is short. After the blood oath, they seemed to never get their hormones together. It’s like they want to be all over each other, one moment they’re arguing or saving each other the next they are already kissing. I think romance really does have to play a part to balance everything. In HoF, I like Rowan- he’s compassion, attitude, basically, everything. But when I read QoS and he’s all protective and so in love with Aelin which makes me love him further.

All in all, it is a fantastic book, which I hope will clarify things further on the next two books. Its definitely worth reading.

What Love Feels Like

Being in love is like walking around with your shoes untied. It’s feeling every emotion with a flow stronger than the ocean. It’s being completely vulnerable, like an open wound presented to a wolf. Being in love is learning to forget yourself and placing your needs on the back burner. Thinking before you leap, thinking if every action you take has a positive or negative reaction. Being in love isn’t that bad, although it may hurt sometimes.

When it is good, its enough to raise the hair on your neck, make your skin electrify. It starts in your arms and then the lightness moves across your body until you feel like you’re floating. You can see the sun turn to the moon in their eyes, you can feel their heartbeat across the room. Their senses becomes yours and before you know it, your dancing in perfect unison. Each step is beautiful but love is more than dancing. It is also falling together when one has stumbled and you make it part of the dance.

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“Time slips by like water between your fingers, an infinite curse of existence. We still haven’t found a way to stop it, with all this science it is still beyond out knowledge. Acid rain on statues and salty snow on sidewalks. Your bones will dissolve and hopefully end up in gardens, but those flowers will wither too. I guess that’s the reason why you strive so hard to keep things good and growing. No going back, no undoing what you have done” -Anonymous

Careful What You Wish For

Some say self-harm is so stupid  guess what else is stupid? Telling people that they are stupid and that they don’t have a single importance in this world. They would really think that they are no needed so what’s the point of them living so they decided to just hurt them selves or die.

We must all be careful with the words that comes out of our mouth. The mouth has the power over life and death people, we may not hurt them physically but emotionally. We sometimes say the first things that pops into our head; not even thinking of what might happen if we say it.

We regret the things that we do so we ask for forgiveness; some people they are forgiven but they don’t even forgive themselves. They think that if they die it will lessen their sorrows, greif, and so much more.

Something Or Someone You Lost

Tell me what is the most precious thing you’ve ever lost?  I’m going to ask you did you ever lost something or someone and you did everything you can to just get them back? And failed?  We all have lost something in this world that we can never retrieve back; maybe it was your destiny to lose them.

In things that we lost they are easily forgotten as long as we have a replacement for them. We forget them when we don’t need them sometimes we just really wish that we never bought it. Or sometimes you really like the object and just one day you accidentally left it or lost it and you started ransacking everywhere, but by the end of the day you couldn’t find it so you just decided to buy a new one. We can breathe as long as there is a replacement.

In people, they intend to leave a cut on your soul and some cuts are deeper than the others; some say that the first cut is always the deepest but I don’t believe it. I believe in the story of how you got it and who gave it to you; it’s just like losing someone that is really close to you and you just so happens to be so sad you can’t even sleep,eat, or talk. Unlike things, losing people cannot be replaced with new ones and you will always remember them. You can never replace nor forget. Maybe you’re angry now because you never forgot what happened and you feel that it’s your fault why they are gone but what if it wasn’t?

We let go of the things that we lost in order to move on; let’s do the same with people in able to move on just remember that it’s a lot easier when it comes to things. What if I’m wrong?